reflective essay

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Reflective Essay


Also referred to as the life and times of a simple man


In the Beginning god created me….. he didn’t really give me a fair chance did he, I mean makin me back like it is, god ive hated him fo that, pretty ironic saying god ive hated him for that, insulting god, using his own name, is even god a he?, I doubt it, I doubt it gods a she really, I doubt it so much god even exists, I mean its pretty handy him having done all these miracles so long ago that noone alive can remember them I think its just something man created to give some people something to believe in and stop people from being bad and shit, honestly its all pretty vague to me how many gods are there?, Buddhism, islam even though the islam god is the same as ours I know, their rules and shit are kinda different, not that god is my god, I have no god, My god is not one that forces me to live by rules, I live how I want by wat I believe in, that don’t mean im gonna go out and start smashin shit and start killin and rapin and doin drugs……….. umm yeah, but I do what I want and do wat I believe is write, basically wat I believe is that u treat everyone exactly how u would like to be treated yourself, treat noone differently, u know, also like treat girls higher than anything, like olden days u know, fuck all this bullshit about im a playa and shit, fuck that, boys betta respect girls and if they don’t when im round, they betta watch out cos I get fukin revved up when I see shit like that, or me very own bruvs dissin me other bruvs, jesus Christ, if your gonna knock your own friends how cool is that, or cunts just startin fights for no reason, god I hate ppl that do that, man , u must be real cool fightin ppl, I used to dislike ppl jus cos they liked different music, pop music and rap music and shit, ive kinda eased up on it and stuff although I still believe my music is better I realise that ppl have different likes, u know its kinda like food really, so that’s pretty much me rules to life, treat ppl nice, especially ladies and go for it u know do anything u really wanna, don’t let wat ppl have said bout shit hold ya back


Of course he (god) still gave me wat I value the most and that is the way I look at life, I mean some people, I guess most people look at life differently to me, I kinda don’t care any more so im up for anything u know, “live life or life will live u” kinda shit, “fear of death keeps of from living not from dyin” u know that sentence when I read it for the very first time it like hit me and this light kinda came into me life (not really, woulda been cool but), but I was like yea, that’s right, u see some old ppl and they r like travel, why do ya wanta travel, u got it perfect right here and shit, yeah I like aus, but I wanna see shit and then they die and they haven’t done nothing cept for work the same dead end job for the past 50 years and lived in the same go no where town forwver, fuck that man, im not like that man, im open to anything, I love u all u know I love all my friends more than I love life u know, honest if any of em came up to me, even the ones I hardly know, and said I have to die tomorrow, if I had to swap em I would for sure, I love u all that much, I know it sounds pretty corny and shit, but I do, I wish I could have like taken me brothers spot for like at least one week in hospital, spending ya holidays in hospital that’s pretty off man, fuck u god FUCK U, ui mean me and me bro, we hardly ever get sick like when I get sick its cos I spend too much time in the cold or drink too much or something but at the start of the holidays I got sick for no reason, oh no there was a reason for that hehe…, yeha but man, you woulda thought god woulda made him sick in school time at least not in the holidays, I mean he had the last week off school for bein sick, so that’s what weeks already and they wanta keep him in for another week that’s 4 fuckin weeks, goddam.





Imost of my problems aren’t really bout god ay, theyre more like I either do something wrong or say something wrong or just don’t get out and do shit, I think a lot of my problems, even though I love them so much, come from drugs and alcohol, I don’t really know how, I think they just make me more depressed and shit, I wonder if my parents know I do drugs, I guess they do cos one morning I came home and spewed for like an hour and dad walked in and was like wats up and im like fukin sick fuckin drinkin and hes jus like let that be a lesson to me, yeah it was a fuckin lesson, don’t fuckin drink jim beam straight, or if ya do don’t drink a whole bottle, ddamm, never again, I read somewhere that a bottle of beam is 0 standard drinks, damn, and that’s probably mixed, in drunk it like straight, damn, lucky I didn’t die, god I done some fucked up shit in my time, but still I persist and want to do it again and yet again still, u know I cant remember the first time I got stoned, I remember when I first got drunk, I remember when I first had sex, I remember most of the girls that I have felt for over the years, I remember when I got drunk at school, god that was bad, I kinda eased up for a bit after that, it was so funny but, I remember sittin in history tryin to read this thing out for the class and only me mate knew why I was laughin so much and I just couldn’t get it out, god it was funny, everyone just looked at me, one of the teachers found out after that, I don’t know who told her I have me suspicions but, its not like I got in trouble or anything but Ive never really got caught for anything, Ive never really been in a fight I only one time hit me amte and it kinda stopped like that, I know I can hold me own but cos I have glove fights all the time, ive gone toe to toe with a big fella and by like the end of 0 seconds we were both fucked, and hes like twice my size, me and me amte once watched fight club and decided to start our own, this was at the point I was beginning to get tired of life and do anything that came my way, so one time we got drunk went to this park near my house and bashed the fuck out of each other we had one hit each and that hurt like fuck, then we jus went for it god I was sore by like minutes we just stood there like breathin real hard and I jus went im kinda tired… I might go home now… and he was like yea,m and I was like cya tomorrow and we were still mates it was mad, the next time we did it was out at a house at country, were I might end up this weekend surprisingly, that time was bad, I like hit him in the nose and he hit me too and I was bleedin everywhere, I think it was pretty even but, considering how drunk I was and how not-drunk he was….., yeah and I was like bleedin in the toilets for so long, someone came in and I was in the bathroom and id left all these tissues in the toilet cos id forgotten to flush it and they just ran off and were yellin someones got their rags, someones got their rags, it was so funny……. Jesus, I cant believe how much ive wrote, so I sat down intending to write a reflective essay, which is due tomorrow, maybe ill just hand this in ;-P, id love to see the mark I got for that, its not like I give a shit bout school any more, now that ive decided not to go to uni, today just came on by the smashing pumpkins, I love that song so much, it like makes me feel like makes me think bout the time we havin and how much fun it is and shit, but then I think bout like it has to stop soon and I wont see them any more and how sad thatll be becos I love them all so much, like sometimes, I feel as though some of me friends sont realise it, so im jus gonna try and be so good to them becos without them wat would I have, I would have nothing, everyones like ross is such a fuckhead recently, jus becos he like listens to other music and shit and doesn’t want to play punk, poppy music like good charlotte in the band and shit, theyre all like hes a dickhead when they aren’t round him, but round him not many ppl seem to show how they feel bout him, its kinda strange, man some ppl are hypocrites, weve all been through bad times u know, times when we felt different and shit, well I guess most of us have, and if ya haven’t u probably haven’t really lived enough and we were never really like dickheads to them so y bag him out fuck, hes only like expressing himself u know, I tell ya one thing I hate, its happened to me a lot recently ay, its like when I tell people something that really matters to me and then they don’t believe me and theres like no way I can prove it except by telling them u know and its like been things I really care about too. God lifes hard, I wrote another thing like this it was called today was a long day…., I think I wrote that coming out of a depression too, just writing and writing kind of helps me, I don’t really think bout what I write, it just comes into me head, I cant do it with a pen and paper, I can do it on the computer but, actually if I remember correctly, I did that when I was supposed to be doing last years reflective essay for English, fuck I hate English, its not like I hate it because of what we do, I like what we do like talking about life and shit oh with my teacher we do anyways, but its not like its gonna help me in life like maths or business studies or legal studies would, this is just a waste of time unless u want to be a journalist or something, which I don’t, yet this is the one subject that’s compulsory, maybe they should make maths compulsory, I reckon itd help ya more than English, I don’t think many people understand me, why I do things, why I like stuff I like, why I like people I like, but fuck everyone u know, I care what some people think and I care about some people, some more than others and at different stages of my life I have progressed, learmned something that made me change, like in yr I learnt alcohol was fun, bout yr 10 that pot was fun bout yr 11 that girls were great fun, if u knew how to treat em, learned in yr 1 that I should try and find a better way to break off a relationship, cos that last one sure didn’t work, god if she gets anghry at me for liking someone else oooohhh she better watch out, ill be so angry, omg, if she gets angry at the girl, thatll be it u know, I will cut so sick, god I wish she would realise its over, she like sent me a msg saying I know u still like me sam like weeks ago, god that freajked me out, if she hasn’t realised that I don’t like her now, god will she stalk me or what, damn, like we did have good times, but shes wreckin them by being a psychotic, god, ive gotta take a break then delete all this then get into my proper work, omg, I still have to do the 00 maths hsc, I wonder if the others have done it, god I hate work, not that I work, ok that’s another thing, I gtg, I love u all………





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